23 August, 2005
Today is a very special anniversary in our lives. Do you recall what it is? Are you still alive after reading that I, The Un-Romantic Lover would recall any anniversary let alone a special one of ours? It happens from time to time.
So now you sit looking at a calendar attempting to figure out what anniversary I speak of. It isn't the day you proposed, or the next day, when we got married. It isn't a birthday, a holiday or any other normal monumental anniversary people often celebrate. So what is this anniversary I speak of?
Today is the anniversary of the first time you ever told me no, and meant it, and I blatantly went on to ignore you anyway. Do you recall yet?
We were in the south at the time. I was with my family. I wanted to learn to drive. My father decided this day was the day I'd learn. Somehow, someway your vehicle was chosen for me to take my first drive in. I can still recall the wild look of apprehension and insanity as you watched me crawl into the drivers seat. I can remember you reiterating every instruction daddy gave me, always adding, "This is an expensive vehicle" to daddy's words. I remember as you placed the radio headphones on my ears you looked me right in the eye and whispered, "Remember she is very expensive - please!" and then I recall beginning to drive. I could hear you holding your breath over the radio.
But the driving lesson itself isn't what I deem as the special anniversary, what this day is the anniversary of is the very first day you emphatically told me no, and the very first day I emphatically ignored you.
It was only a 'little' puddle dearest man, but when my eyes lit up as I spotted it, I heard you exhale for the first time during my driving. "No, do not even think about it!" Your voice squawked in my ear. When I did not reply, your voice grew louder and even more insistent, "No....not the puddle!" Still, I ignored your words as I headed to the forbidden mud. I still grin with delight as I recall hitting that puddle at a rapid speed; the muddy water flying out from the sides of the vehicle as your voice screamed, 'Noooooooooooooooo'.
You were so cute that day! And after my driving lesson, as I left the vehicle, you grabbed me by the shoulders and glared down at me with seething eyes. "My God, you're infuriating!"
Do you know the effect your compliment had on me? And yes Dearest Man, I did take that as a compliment.
Over the twenty years since that fateful day, I've often heard you hiss about how infuriating I am. I've also listened as you told me no. And I'll admit, I've ignored your "no's" at times. But it was always worth it, to see you with your eyes glaring at me and that brilliantly expressive face whisper, "My God, You're infuriating!"
Thank you Dearest Man for twenty plus years of wondrous giggles as I ignored your "no's". Thank you for being a strong enough man to tell me no, and to love me even when I didn't listen.
And - now you know why I drove your truck through that huge mud puddle this morning.
With all my love,
The Un-Romantic Lover
Posted at 8/23/2005 09:00:00 AM
17 August, 2005
What a wonderful evening we ended up having tonight. I was a little worried when our gig was canceled, but your suggestion that everyone gather around the fire pit was brilliant. I still adore that mind of yours.
It was the perfect evening for a bonfire. It also gave me the opportunity to sit near you and listen as you played your guitar throughout the evening. Have I ever told you how very endearing and beautiful you are when you’re relaxing with your guitar?
I can recall the first time I found out you played the guitar. Was I seventeen or eighteen that year? The year itself is of no matter, but I know I was barely an adult the first time daddy had you bring out your guitar for all of us. I also remember being slightly surprised not only by your ability with your guitar but by your voice. You were always the shy one back then, so to hear you sing and sing well was amazing to me.
Of course during the years your voice has never ceased to amaze me. There is a depth of passion in your voice when you sing that in unmet at almost any other time. One thing few people know about you is how much music stirs your soul. Of course if they get to know you at all, they soon discover music brings out a passion in you that is envious by many.
No matter how many times or how many years it has been, every time you look into my eyes as you sing while playing your guitar, I melt. Your passion is overwhelming. I definitely understand why women fall head over feet for musicians. You are absolutely captivating when you’re embroiled in your music.
I do believe that your eyes light up the most when you’re lost within your silent rapture of music. I love watching your eyes dance as you play silly or upbeat requested songs. When you sing your hymns or spirituals your eyes shimmer with your steadfast faith in your God. I can’t bear to look at you if your singing anything lovey dovey. I fear I’d lose myself in your eyes and as we both know, that’d be far too romantic of a thing to do to be something I’d do.
But when you sing the sad songs, the ones that seem to touch people the deepest, you’re stunning. I don’t know how you are so capable of bring out a depth of feeling from any chord of music, but you are truly gifted that way.
I’ll confess to you that while I do adore your stage presence when you’re performing with your band. It is times like tonight, when you’re relaxed and sitting around the fire playing your music that I love endlessly.
You are a perfectionist Dearest Man, and I think that because you take any work you do seriously and you aim to do it perfectly, when you're on stage with the band; part of your passion is squelched by the job of performing. But in situations like tonight, where you are playing for your own enjoyment, you truly shine.
If I can pull myself away from watching your eyes as you sing or play, I focus on your fingers as they skillfully caress your guitar. Rarely do you look down at the guitar as you play, did you know that? You’ve grown so accustomed to your guitar and how she reacts to your fingers that you don’t need to look down. Amazing.
I have a confession to make. For as much as I adore watching you when you play, like I watched you tonight; I wish I could instead reach out and touch you. It never fails. I can be watching and listening to you, but deep inside, despite my delight, I ache to reach out and place my hand lightly on your thigh, or your back or any easily accessible portion of your body.
You exude so much energy, so much passion and vibrancy when you play that I find myself drawn to touch you in order to feel it as it ekes out of your body through your music. Because of the numerous times I get to watch you playing, I am finding it harder and harder to control this urge. I do control it though. I do not wish to disrupt you as you become lost in your passion.
I am a lucky woman to have the love of, and privilege to love a man who is so genuinely in touch with his passions in life. I am especially gifted because he is willing to share it with me. I thank you for that. Nothing thrills me more as when I can see first hand that you are truly lost within something you love so much. I want that for you. I want you to be able to get lost in the passions in your life. I believe you deserve that and I’d do anything to make sure you can do such.
Thank you Dearest Man for such a beautiful, relaxing, passionate evening simply by allowing me to be present as you lost yourself within your music. I feel very honored and proud to say my husband is a musician, and a beautifully talented one.
I love you Dearest Man.
With all my love,
The Un-Romantic Lover
P.S. BTW, so you never forget; "I couldn't help it - it's all you're fault"
Posted at 8/17/2005 03:33:00 AM
15 August, 2005
I’m nervous today. You’ve not checked your email, so you don’t know this place or these letters exist. Patience is a virtue, and while I’m not patient about some things, for this I can wait. I’ve no doubt that you’ll find this when you need to. No sooner, no later.
But if I know that you will find this when it is time, why am I nervous? I’ve been asking myself that all day. The answer I have surprised me. For being a woman who always says she doesn’t care what other’s think of her or her actions; in this case I care. I always care what you think. Your mind and its thoughts are one of the zillion things I love about you.
How do I tell you about how thrilling and sexy it is to watch you think? Like today, at the firing range, the sight of you with the cold, hard steel cradled with expertise in your hands as you aimed and then fired - spellbinding. The sight of the thoughts traveling through your mind as you held your pistol down range - erotic.
I could see your thoughts. I watched as you spoke silently to your body, relaxing your breath, planting your position, steadying your arm. Then as your eyes traveled through your sites down to your target while your finger lightly, delicately and yet deliberately pulled the trigger… Mercy!
Do you know how strong you appear at times such as that? And I don’t speak of only a physical prowess. I speak of your mental strengths as well. Do you want to know a secret about your intelligence and its effect on me?
You remember the years of friendship we had, what were they in number; nineteen or twenty years worth of platonic friendship? During those years how often did I date? Not often. Did I ever fall in love with anyone? No. It wasn’t until I had realized I had grown in love with you that I realized why no other man could satisfy me.
They didn’t have your mind.
You’ve told me this for years. I am the consummate observer. I watch people and things at any given chance. When I looked at the rare few in my past, they didn’t have what I see in your eyes while you’re thinking.
During all those years of self imposed bachelorette-hood, I turned to you to thrill my mind. That meant no other man could possibly stand a chance with me. How could any man ever compete with the only man who tantalizes me strictly with his power of thought? They couldn’t, no one else but you can.
One of my favorite things, I miss. I miss it because of our current deployment. Do you recall the nights when we’d retire for the evening and you’d bring files into our bed to read as I showered? Whenever I’d appear from the bathroom, I’d be extra quiet and slip into our bed, hopefully unobserved by you. There I’d lie on my side and watch you as you stared down at the files while lying on your side with your head propped casually on your hand. I could lie there watching you, watching those sexy eyes of yours as you processed the information you were reading.
I learned to tell time upside down from those moments. Always your wrist watch was upside down to me as you draped your free hand lazily over your hip. You’d only move it to flip through pages, and if I wanted to know what time it was without disturbing you, I’d read the time on your watch.
The mental image of you lying there like that still thrills me. I can’t wait until we go home and I can once again spend hours languishing in bed like that.
When I sit here and think of you, I realize that I’m aroused by your wonderfully sculptured body. You hide it well, you always have, but I adore those six pack ab’s you have as well as your trim and defined chest and biceps. There is no denying the physical attraction I have for you. But one look into your eyes when you’re deep in thought and I melt.
I don’t think you have an idea of how completely enthralled I am with you when I am watching you while your deep in thought. Nothing else exists to me except watching your thoughts travel through your eyes.
Over the years due to your line of work; I’ve had the chance to see you as you act in a specified persona. Some of those personas were supposed to be quiet dense or slow in thought. Even during those times where you had to act ‘dumb’ I saw your brilliant intelligence shinning through your eyes.
Even during the “dumb” times you still mesmerized me.
Thank you dearest man, for twenty plus years of absolute erotic, contented bliss. No man has ever thrilled me or aroused me as you have - simply by the power of your mind.
I love you.
With all my love,
The Un-Romantic Lover
Posted at 8/15/2005 08:16:00 PM
14 August, 2005
I’m sure as your eyes focus upon the screen, you are thinking to yourself; “What the …”
Please blink, do your double take and then settle back and read. This blog and this, plus future love letters; are only for you. If there is ever a man who deserves such publicly displayed love, it is you. And I hope that something here will reach your soul and show you that while I am The Un-Romantic Lover, I am intrinsically in love with you.
Our lives have taken us down a path where we have sacrificed aspects of our relationship for a purpose greater then ourselves. I’ve never been happy about not being able to reach out and touch you, or look seductively at you due to our current situation. I miss you.
There are times, particularly late at night or as the sun rises that I long to crawl to your room and into your arms, but I dare not. Sometimes I will watch you working, from the corner of my eye, and I’ll recall the luxury I once had of lying on the grass while watching you do similar tasks at home.
Did you know one of my most cherished things I adore with respect to you is being able to silently watch you as you go about normal everyday tasks? Often, you mesmerize me dear man. When I watch you I see far more then the mundane task you are completing. It isn’t just your magnificent body that I watch. What thrills me is when I can watch your mind work through your eyes.
Some women might like to watch their man as he is dressed in a tuxedo, at a fancy party. Me? I’d rather be lying in the warm fall sun while you rake leaves. The combination of your body gracefully gathering leaves as your eyes divulge that you are deep in thought is almost intoxicating to me. Often I struggle and force myself to remain as an observer while you work. It’s almost erotic to see, and I adore it with a passion.
You didn’t know that did you? No, you wouldn’t. I’ve never told you anything like this. In fact, I’d wager that you’re wondering why I’d be telling you this now.
I’m telling you now, via these love letters; because I never fell in love with you. You have been right all along; I haven’t fallen in love with you.
I’ve grown in love with you.
Two days ago, as I sat thinking about us, I realized, I had never fallen…I had grown in love with you. People who fall in love can attest to what I am about to say, the act of falling in love is as uncontrollable as any other type of fall.
But growing in love with someone, it is controlled, intentional and unbreakable. It is a controlled intertwining of two souls, during which both grow better, stronger, and more capable then they had been prior to their love.
In my eyes that is what we are, intertwined. I don’t remember a year without you, your love, or support in it. I don’t ever recall a time that I couldn’t keep my eyes off you, didn’t worry for you and didn’t miss you when you had to be away.
There are some things sacred to me. Granted they are few and far between, but there are some. You are one of those things. I can’t put all my feelings into this first love letter. That is why I created this blog. Here, as they surface, I shall write them in love letters to you.
Why am I telling you any of this now? Because I love you, because you are sacred to me, and because I realize you are my hopeless romantic and usually I am a romantic dud. I don’t even know if this blog and its intended sentiments would be considered ‘romantic’. But dearest man, I’ve combined perhaps the two best things in my life, my love for you and writing.
This blog will become my Love Letters for You. There will never be a word that you will read that isn’t sincere. I’ll never divulge your true identity as I know you have a blog and a following. I chose this template for Love Letters for Him, because just last week you equated me to a wildflower. Three days after that, you felt you needed to offer me a way out of our marriage so I’d be happy. Today you are reading my words, and when you look up I hope you realize one thing.
I am a wildflower. I grow freely where I choose. And I’ve chosen to grow in love with you. I chose that over 20 years ago and I’ll not let my roots be torn out.
I love you Dearest Man.
With all my love,
The Un-Romantic Lover
Posted at 8/14/2005 01:37:00 AM
13 August, 2005
100 Things I Love About Him
1) His smile
2) His eyes
3) His laughter
4) His lopsided grin
5) His strength
6) His aptitude
7) His intelligence
8) His humor
9) His capability
10) His legs
11) His jokes
12) His sense of responsibility
13) His sweetness
14) His compassion
15) His nurturing
16) His leadership
17) His genius
18) His sexiness
19) His broad shoulders
20) His gentle touch
21) His tender disposition
22) His brilliance
23) His rapier wit
24) His charm
25) His manliness
26) His sweetness
27) His hand on the small of my back
28) His chuckle
29) His rolling eyes
30) His angry look (simply adorable)
31) His authority
32) His work
33) His Honor
34) His lasagna
35) His deep claw foot tub
36) His old flannel shirts
37) His faded jeans
38) His uniform
39) His Tuxedo! (Mercy)
40) His tastes
41) His competitiveness
42) His boyish side
43) His family
44) His height
45) His lips
46) His soft hearted ways
47) His Courage
48) His maturity
49) His truck
50) His hands (Gods how I love his hands)
51) His mind
52) His creativity
53) His protectiveness
54) His caring
55) His Butt (oof)
56) His Loyalty
57) His agility
58) His perceptiveness
59) His inquisitiveness
60) His growl
61) His frown
62) His stupid hat
63) His Heart
64) His joy
65) His pain
66) His attentiveness
67) His trinkets
68) His tinkering
69) His puttering
70) His long walks
71) His guitar
72) His voice
73) His singing
74) His mesmerizing ability
75) His concern
76) His strength
77) His truthfulness
78) His torturous kiss
79) His slyness
80) His intrigue
81) His goofy pajama’s
82) His wedding ring
83) His bravery
84) His skill
85) His talent
86) His outdoor skills
87) His sense of adventure
88) His extremes
89) His silliness
90) His cuteness
91) His daring
92) His boldness
93) His robustness
94) His values
95) His morals
96) His principles
97) His ideals
98) His sense of family
99) His Love
100)Him - I love him - endlessly
With all my love,
The Un-Romantic Lover
Posted at 8/13/2005 02:03:00 PM
|Love Letters For Him|
|He loves me.
I love Him.
He is a hopeless romantic.
I am not.
These are my love letters to him.
|Who He Is To Me|
100 Things About Him
His Un-Romantic Lover
|Love Letters to Him|
The First Love Letter
Love Letter #2
Love Letter #3
Love Letter #4
|During trying times in our weary world, maybe this can help remind you of what we have to look forward to when we finally get home.|
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